There are three layers of behavior change. The outermost layer is changing your outcomes—what you want to achieve. The middle layer is changing your processes— what you do. But the deepest, most powerful layer? Changing your identity—who you believe you are.
Most people try to change from the outside in. "I want to lose weight, so I'll go on a diet." But the people who succeed long-term work from the inside out. "I'm the kind of person who takes care of my body."
The goal isn't to complete a habit. The goal is to become someone who does that habit naturally.
Why Identity Matters
When your behavior conflicts with your identity, your identity usually wins. If you believe you're a disorganized person, every attempt at organization feels like fighting against yourself. If you believe you're someone who can't stick with things, quitting feels inevitable.
But identity isn't fixed. It's built, one small action at a time.
Every time you do something—anything—you're casting a vote for the type of person you want to become. Skip one workout? One vote for "someone who doesn't exercise." Do one workout? One vote for "someone who exercises."
You don't need a unanimous vote. You just need enough votes to win the election.
The Power of "I'm the Kind of Person Who..."
There's something almost magical about reframing your actions as identity statements:
- Instead of "I'm trying to drink more water" → "I'm someone who stays hydrated"
- Instead of "I'm trying to wake up earlier" → "I'm becoming a morning person"
- Instead of "I'm trying to be less anxious" → "I'm someone who takes care of my mental health"
This isn't just positive thinking. It's a fundamental shift in how you approach change. You're not forcing yourself to do things that feel unnatural. You're becoming someone for whom these things feel natural.
When You Don't Feel Like That Person Yet
Here's the catch: you might not believe the identity yet. If you've spent years feeling broken, stuck, or incapable, saying "I'm someone who has their life together" might feel like a lie.
That's okay. You don't have to believe it fully. You just have to act like someone who's becoming that person.
"Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become." — James Clear
The identity follows the actions, not the other way around. You don't wait until you feel like a healthy person to start eating vegetables. You eat one vegetable, and that's evidence that maybe you're becoming someone who eats vegetables.
The Smallest Identity Shift
For those of us who've been through hard times, the identity shift might start smaller than you'd expect:
- "I'm someone who gets out of bed." (Even if it takes until afternoon)
- "I'm someone who tries." (Even when trying feels impossible)
- "I'm someone who hasn't given up." (Even when I want to)
- "I'm someone who shows up for myself." (Even imperfectly)
These might seem modest compared to "I'm a CEO" or "I'm an athlete." But if you're climbing out of a dark place, "I'm someone who keeps going" is an incredibly powerful identity to build.
Showing Up Is the Habit
Here's a truth that changed everything for me: showing up is the habit. Not showing up and being perfect. Not showing up and crushing it. Just showing up.
On your worst days, showing up might mean opening the app and looking at your routine, even if you don't do anything on it. It might mean getting dressed, even if you don't leave the house. It might mean acknowledging that today exists, even if that's all you can do.
Every time you show up, you're proving to yourself that you're the kind of person who shows up. And that identity—someone who shows up no matter what—is the foundation for everything else.
Who Are You Becoming?
Forget about your goals for a moment. Forget about what you want to achieve or what you think you should be doing. Ask yourself:
Who do I want to become?
Not who do others want you to be. Not who you think you should be. Who do you want to become?
Maybe it's someone who takes care of themselves. Someone who keeps trying. Someone who doesn't give up. Someone who shows up.
Whatever it is, you can start casting votes for that person today. One tiny action. One small vote. One step closer to becoming who you're meant to be.
You're not broken. You're becoming. And that's enough.
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